The right frame of mind

When I was a teenager I had big dreams about myself as a top level athlete of the future . I could picture myself winning big races and representing my country at the Olympics. I guess that’s quite normal for kids and teenagers. I  always trained with my best friend. Whether it was a looooong and slow session or a murderous interval training, we would run neck in neck. However, when it came to racing, he always beat me comfortably.

Fast forward a few years. My friend went to the Olympics,  while I ehmmm ... did not.  It didn’t hurt, honestly, because by that time I had discovered something about myself. I had realised that I didn’t have the necessary desire to sacrifice everything for my sport. I didn’t have the mental toughness to endure the pain you must go through to get the results. I simply didn’t want success bad enough. I still loved training – but rather for social reasons and for staying in shape, than to become a top-level athlete.

Today, twenty something years later, my friend has grown fat and bold and cannot even stand the thought of training or racing anymore. As for myself, I’m also fat and bold but I still remain active in running, triathlons and cross-country skiing. But I’m still stuck in the same place as I was in my teens when it comes to the desire to succeed.  Today, just as back in the old days, I tend to ease off when things start getting tough. If the weather gets too cold, I tend to find an excuse to stay at home rather than go out for a run. And during races, when my muscles scream for mercy, I tend to obey. “It’s just a game, who cares whether I’ll be no 2500 rather than 2300 on the results list?” That’s my reasoning and I always manage to convince myself to slow down.

However, after I cross the finish line, I usually wish I had pushed harder, because I know that physically I have it in me to do better. I usually get over these thoughts in 12 minutes or so, but occasionally they linger. I have googled some articles about mental training, even borrowed a book from the library, but so far to no avail. I would, therefore, be interested to hear from people who have had this same “problem” and found a solution.