Positive self-talk - negative split

A few days ago I participated in a 30 km cross country ski race, probably one of the last ski races this season. It was originally scheduled to be just one 30 km loop, but due to bad weather the loop was shortened to 7,5 km, which we skied four times.

As I said, the weather was bad. Heavy winds blew the snow in our faces, the visibility was almost zero, my nose and fingers were almost frozen. What was worse, still, was that the blowing snow quickly filled the tracks, so they more or less disappeared. Luckily we could follow some orange sticks around the course, otherwise a lot of people would have got lost.

I was not excited at all about skiing in these conditions, but the organizers decided that the shortened track was safe enough for the race to go ahead. My brain was full of negative thoughts already before the start, and they only got worse after the race got under way. I was cold and miserable, tired and stiff right from the beginning, and just downright bored. I did not enjoy this occasion for one second; I really did not want to be there at all.

The thing about skiing many small loops instead of one big one is that, when things are going wrong, you are tempted to quit the race every time you pass the finish area. I only just managed to force myself to continue after the first loop, and as I approached the finish of the second one I had more or less decided to call it a day. Then, however, I remembered that there was a club competition going on. The club that accumulated the most kilometers (i.e. the combined distances skied by all the club-members) would win. So if I should quit, my club would loose 30 km. And despite all the self-pity I was feeling, I just couldn’t let my club down.

I continued. Reluctantly at first but then I started this little conversation with myself. I basically decided that since I couldn’t quit the race, I would ski the remaining 15 km the best I could.  It was time to try some positive self-talk. Step one was to force myself to smile and say “money in the bank, babe – money in the bank” over and over again. I just said it silently, mind you, only for myself to hear, but it worked. I started feeling a little bit better.  Other things like “I’m a polar bear, I was made for racing in conditions like this” and “lousy conditions may break others, but they make me stronger” may sound silly when you’re sitting in the comfort of your living room, but out there in the storm, it worked wonders. I felt the energy flowing through my body. I started passing people, which again gave me even more boost and I realized that there was still a lot of energy in the tank; I could still go faster.  When I finished I was so pumped up that I wished the race was 50 km instead of 30!

Although I usually don’t bother studying results lists too hard after my races, I couldn’t help but have a look this time. The intermediate times show that I had a negative split, i.e., I skied the last 15 km way faster than the first 15 km. Cross country skiing is – like other sports – very physical, but we should not underestimate the importance of what goes on inside our heads during training and racing.

My club didn’t even come close to winning the club competition. My 30 km didn’t change anything after all. But I’m still glad I didn’t quit.